Mommy's Example

My kids like to talk to each other with mean voices.

I've noticed that most of their conversations are undertaken with a less than polite tone, and often end up with full blown yelling.

Here's an example from the other day:

The kids are playing in the bedroom. They haven't been there long when I start to hear some arguing about who is going to play with what. It sounds like this is going to be a fight pretty soon. I think they need a reminder of how to work out the problem.

"Use your nice voices when you talk to each other, please," I call from the other room.

It didn't work. They continue to snip at each other in a caustic manner, and I'm getting tired of it. I call again, "Use NICE VOICES when you talk, please!" only a bit louder this time, so that they can hear me down the hall and over their own voices. A few minutes later I hear that it's escalating to yelling. "Stop it kiddo's, remember- we don't yell at each other!" More yelling and angry voices, so I walk down the hall and stand in the doorway.

"Are you listening to me? Use your kind voices. We do not talk to our family that way!" Now they are yelling to me why their brother/sister is the worst ever and he/she won't play how they want, they stole a treasured toy, etc. The yelling has not stopped, in fact, it is almost to the point of screaming now.

I stomp into the bedroom. "That is it- STOP YELLING RIGHT NOW!!!"

I take a look at my two oldest kids who are facing each other. They have their hands on their hips, leaning slightly forward, faces red. At this point I glance in the full length mirror on the wall behind them and get a look at myself.

Hands on hips, leaning slightly forward, red face... and I realized I was just yelling at them to get them to stop yelling.

Ok, so my kids have a problem with using kind voices with their family members, but I think this may be a mommy problem. I have this fleeting excuse go through my brain- they did it first, I'm just yelling AFTER they've been yelling for 10 minutes without listening to me... Hmmmm.

When mommy wants to solve a problem she yells at them- that is all their little minds are going to remember. They won't remember the 3, 4, or 5 reminders and warnings before the yelling started, just the yelling at the end. Mommy needs to work on that.

So, my new goal is to always use a kind, soft voice when I talk to my kids. Even when they really do something that is making me loose my mind, or hurting each other, or yelling I'm going to speak softly. Oh, they're still busted. I just get to send them to the corner or take away TV privileges with a smile and a soft voice. Ok, maybe not a smile, but as calmly and kindly as this frazzled mommy can muster, because whether I like it or not, they will eventually follow this mommy's example.