Here are 30 things about me. I'm afraid I may be a little too candid here, but anyway, here it goes. Don't judge me too harshly!
1 I love the outdoors. If I'm inside I like the shads open and letting in the light so I can "feel" the outside. Weird, huh?
2 Loving the outdoors like I do, most of my favorite things happen outside; hiking rock climbing, swimming, camping...
3 I cannot play any sport that involves a ball. Not tennis, softball, football, pool, ping-pong, basketball, the list goes on.
4 I only like to watch sports if I actually know a player or coach. If I don't personally know anyone on the team I have no desire to watch, but if I do I am such a fan and can get really wrapped up in a game!
5 I'm not afraid of anything. Things I don't want to touch or think too much about, yes. But afraid? Nope.
6 I love being alone. A quiet place with no one around is my idea of heaven. I think that's why I love the wilderness.
7 I am a terrible house keeper. I have little places that I like to always keep tidy, but the rest of my house doesn't get touched until we have company.
8 Part of me loves to get all decked out with awesome hair, make-up, clothes, and cute shoes. But when I do I always feel a little guilty, vain, and wicked, like I'm doing it for attention. Whenever I look in the mirror and think "Man, I look GOOD!" there is this little war going on in my head trying to decide if I should. So it doesn't happen often. I know- I'm crazy.
9 Although I think of myself as young, at the rip old age of 30 I have arthritis. My knee aches and makes awful sounds when I bend it, my fingers get stiff, and my shoulder is a wreck. It's the one thing that makes me feel really old sometimes.
10 I am not a hugger. I don't really like to be touched very much, the exception being my husband and little babies. I love to cuddle with Josiah or snuggle a baby, but everyone else can stay at arms length most of the time.
11 I like to exercise. And if I'm bored, or can't think of anything else to do I just randomly do some sit-ups or wall-sits until I think of something else.
12 I LOVE to read. As a child books were full of my best, and sometimes only, friends. Like movies, only the enjoyment last for days instead of minutes!
13 I love action movies. I hate swearing and gore, so I usually have to wait for TV edited versions, but I like a good action flick better than romance or comedy.
14 When I was a kid I wished I was a boy. I thought they got to have way more fun! Now I know that I can be a lady and have fun- they aren't mutually exclusive!
15 I like candy bars and my favorite is always changing. In fact, I don't have a favorite for most things... That would be way to boring!
16 I like to cook, but not at my own house. My kitchen is painfully small and then I have to cleanup after all the cooking, so although I'm a pretty fantastic cook, I don't do it very often.
17 I think furniture should be pretty, not just functional. I would rather go without a sofa than have an ugly one.
18 I love fine art. Once upon a time I did lots of artsy stuff. Now I just think fondly of a day when my life won't be filled with diapers, laundry, homework, scouts, and all the millions of other things that get priority now. Someday I'll sculpt, paint, draw and craft to my heart's content. Now I just hope that the stuff I managed to make in the past doesn't get trashed by my adorable, but hyper, kids.
19 In May my husband and I will celebrate 11 years of marriage. He is my best friend in the whole world.
20 I'm not very good at making friends. I'm shy, in a loud way, and I tend to put my foot in my mouth when I talk to people... so yeah, I'm working on that.
21 I hated High School. It was the worst 4 years of my life. Thank goodness for good people who helped me through it, and THANK GOODNESS that what you are in High School doesn't have to be who you are for the rest of your life!
22 Blue and green are my favorite colors, usually.
23 I have four adorable children. Some days are great and I think I'll have a dozen more. Others I think "What was I thinking! Can I return these?" I have no idea if we'll have more or not. Right now I'm just trying to figure out how to be a good mom to the ones I've got. Ask me again in a few years.
24 I think life is pretty hard. It's not always fun. It's lonely, and sad, and confusing sometimes. Some days you may wish you were never born. I've struggled with depression in my life, but this is what I've learned: The happy moments make it all worth while. Cling to them! Hope for them! Don't give up on them! Today is NOT forever. And dwelling on the misery will not make you feel any better! Find a happy thought and keep moving forward. It'll get better someday, I promise.
25 I think most people are basically good. I think even the ones who do things we don't like or hurt us are wither clueless, damaged, or have some misguided idea motivating them. I like to think that everyone does the best with what they've got and I hope others will be understanding when I'm a bonehead sometimes.
26 I love animals, but I'm lazy. I don't really like to take care of them all the time. I like the idea in cartoons where the animals are wild and take care of themselves, but area friendly, so you can hold them and pet them when you want. Too bad real life isn't like that. You want the cute and cuddly buddy, you got to put in the work.
27 Someday I'm going skydiving. I have no idea when. My time and money are pretty much all accounted for these days, but it will happen!
28 I love food. Italian, Mexican, Chinese, Sushi, greasy cheeseburgers with grilled onions, mushrooms, bacon and extra cheese. And brownies, and pie, and cookies... This is why I love exercising, otherwise I would weigh 300 lbs. Food is yummy.
29 I'm a Mormon, a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. If you don't know that about me, well, I am! And I like to think it's a part of who I am, not just a place I go each Sunday. I believe it's made me a better person, more loving, more understanding, more helpful, more honest, more forgiving. Of course, I have days were I'm not those things as much as I should be, but it's a process. As long as I'm a little better today than yesterday, or this week than last week, I'm moving in the right direction. Thanks to my Heavenly Father for His Son, Jesus Christ, and His atonement and forgiveness. Heaven knows I need it!
30 I've run out of things to tell you. Sure, there are a lot more things about me to share, but I'll save them or another day. Also, I can't think of a good one to wrap it all up, so that's all you get. I hope you don't think I'm too crazy after you've read all of this! :-)
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
Mommy's Example
My kids like to talk to each other with mean voices.
I've noticed that most of their conversations are undertaken with a less than polite tone, and often end up with full blown yelling.
Here's an example from the other day:
The kids are playing in the bedroom. They haven't been there long when I start to hear some arguing about who is going to play with what. It sounds like this is going to be a fight pretty soon. I think they need a reminder of how to work out the problem.
"Use your nice voices when you talk to each other, please," I call from the other room.
It didn't work. They continue to snip at each other in a caustic manner, and I'm getting tired of it. I call again, "Use NICE VOICES when you talk, please!" only a bit louder this time, so that they can hear me down the hall and over their own voices. A few minutes later I hear that it's escalating to yelling. "Stop it kiddo's, remember- we don't yell at each other!" More yelling and angry voices, so I walk down the hall and stand in the doorway.
"Are you listening to me? Use your kind voices. We do not talk to our family that way!" Now they are yelling to me why their brother/sister is the worst ever and he/she won't play how they want, they stole a treasured toy, etc. The yelling has not stopped, in fact, it is almost to the point of screaming now.
I stomp into the bedroom. "That is it- STOP YELLING RIGHT NOW!!!"
I take a look at my two oldest kids who are facing each other. They have their hands on their hips, leaning slightly forward, faces red. At this point I glance in the full length mirror on the wall behind them and get a look at myself.
Hands on hips, leaning slightly forward, red face... and I realized I was just yelling at them to get them to stop yelling.
Ok, so my kids have a problem with using kind voices with their family members, but I think this may be a mommy problem. I have this fleeting excuse go through my brain- they did it first, I'm just yelling AFTER they've been yelling for 10 minutes without listening to me... Hmmmm.
When mommy wants to solve a problem she yells at them- that is all their little minds are going to remember. They won't remember the 3, 4, or 5 reminders and warnings before the yelling started, just the yelling at the end. Mommy needs to work on that.
So, my new goal is to always use a kind, soft voice when I talk to my kids. Even when they really do something that is making me loose my mind, or hurting each other, or yelling I'm going to speak softly. Oh, they're still busted. I just get to send them to the corner or take away TV privileges with a smile and a soft voice. Ok, maybe not a smile, but as calmly and kindly as this frazzled mommy can muster, because whether I like it or not, they will eventually follow this mommy's example.
I've noticed that most of their conversations are undertaken with a less than polite tone, and often end up with full blown yelling.
Here's an example from the other day:
The kids are playing in the bedroom. They haven't been there long when I start to hear some arguing about who is going to play with what. It sounds like this is going to be a fight pretty soon. I think they need a reminder of how to work out the problem.
"Use your nice voices when you talk to each other, please," I call from the other room.
It didn't work. They continue to snip at each other in a caustic manner, and I'm getting tired of it. I call again, "Use NICE VOICES when you talk, please!" only a bit louder this time, so that they can hear me down the hall and over their own voices. A few minutes later I hear that it's escalating to yelling. "Stop it kiddo's, remember- we don't yell at each other!" More yelling and angry voices, so I walk down the hall and stand in the doorway.
"Are you listening to me? Use your kind voices. We do not talk to our family that way!" Now they are yelling to me why their brother/sister is the worst ever and he/she won't play how they want, they stole a treasured toy, etc. The yelling has not stopped, in fact, it is almost to the point of screaming now.
I stomp into the bedroom. "That is it- STOP YELLING RIGHT NOW!!!"
I take a look at my two oldest kids who are facing each other. They have their hands on their hips, leaning slightly forward, faces red. At this point I glance in the full length mirror on the wall behind them and get a look at myself.
Hands on hips, leaning slightly forward, red face... and I realized I was just yelling at them to get them to stop yelling.
Ok, so my kids have a problem with using kind voices with their family members, but I think this may be a mommy problem. I have this fleeting excuse go through my brain- they did it first, I'm just yelling AFTER they've been yelling for 10 minutes without listening to me... Hmmmm.
When mommy wants to solve a problem she yells at them- that is all their little minds are going to remember. They won't remember the 3, 4, or 5 reminders and warnings before the yelling started, just the yelling at the end. Mommy needs to work on that.
So, my new goal is to always use a kind, soft voice when I talk to my kids. Even when they really do something that is making me loose my mind, or hurting each other, or yelling I'm going to speak softly. Oh, they're still busted. I just get to send them to the corner or take away TV privileges with a smile and a soft voice. Ok, maybe not a smile, but as calmly and kindly as this frazzled mommy can muster, because whether I like it or not, they will eventually follow this mommy's example.
Monday, May 10, 2010
A Cold Drink
Winter is finally gone. Here comes summer. Yep, I know I skipped spring. I don't think I have spring at my house. It went from freezing at night and having to bring my plants in each evening so they don't die- to full blown HOT in less than a week. The weather around here is getting pretty hot and dry. In some ways it's nice. The grass started growing again. My little seedlings can stay outside all the time now. The kids don't have to remember a jacket. But there are always yucky things, too. The most annoying is that it always takes about a week for my sinuses to get used to the sudden change in weather. For a few days I get lovely surprise nosebleeds. The just start out of nowhere. Ick.
Well, at least I've learned that if I stay hydrated that it helps it happen a little less. So, the other day I was driving and doing errands on a particularly hot day and started getting that dried out feeling. Uh Oh! I needed something to drink before I became an erupting volcano.
Have you ever gone to the drivethru and had them give you a drink, but no straw? I hate it when that happens. Of course I think "no problem, I don't use a straw at home. I'll just drink like normal." Well, normally I don't drink from a cup that huge. Have you ever tried to drink from a giant cup and drive at the same time? The cup is so big that all you can see is the inside of the cup. So I tried drinking sort of off to the side. Hmmmm.... not really working. So I just sort of slurp it and then quick chug a bunch at the next stoplight. That seems to be OK.
You know in the movies when a dam breaks there is always this creaking sound, then a little crack, then a big crack with some spraying water. Finally the dam crumbles and water bursts forth. I'm not sure that's the way it happens in real life. It's not the way it happened in my cup.
I didn't pay attention to the fact that the ice had formed a nice little dam in my cup. No creaking. No little crack to warn me. Just a very sudden sticky shower with ice up my nose, down my shirt, and a very wet lap. Most of all a waste of $2! Grrrrrrr!
So next time I clean out my car, instead of throwing it out, I'm going to stash a straw in my glove box for the next time I really need a cold drink and some poor kid forgets to hand me one in the drivethru. I wonder if I can fit a roll of paper towels in there, too?
Well, at least I've learned that if I stay hydrated that it helps it happen a little less. So, the other day I was driving and doing errands on a particularly hot day and started getting that dried out feeling. Uh Oh! I needed something to drink before I became an erupting volcano.
Have you ever gone to the drivethru and had them give you a drink, but no straw? I hate it when that happens. Of course I think "no problem, I don't use a straw at home. I'll just drink like normal." Well, normally I don't drink from a cup that huge. Have you ever tried to drink from a giant cup and drive at the same time? The cup is so big that all you can see is the inside of the cup. So I tried drinking sort of off to the side. Hmmmm.... not really working. So I just sort of slurp it and then quick chug a bunch at the next stoplight. That seems to be OK.
You know in the movies when a dam breaks there is always this creaking sound, then a little crack, then a big crack with some spraying water. Finally the dam crumbles and water bursts forth. I'm not sure that's the way it happens in real life. It's not the way it happened in my cup.
I didn't pay attention to the fact that the ice had formed a nice little dam in my cup. No creaking. No little crack to warn me. Just a very sudden sticky shower with ice up my nose, down my shirt, and a very wet lap. Most of all a waste of $2! Grrrrrrr!
So next time I clean out my car, instead of throwing it out, I'm going to stash a straw in my glove box for the next time I really need a cold drink and some poor kid forgets to hand me one in the drivethru. I wonder if I can fit a roll of paper towels in there, too?
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
"Soup"
Ok, it's been one of those days. I'm sure everyone feels the same sometimes. It just stinks when I have one! It's a day when I look at my life and think "why, oh why did I sign up for this?" Really.
Being a wife and a mom is not fun. Maybe if you have a super husband with no flaws (and I have yet to meet a woman with one of those). Maybe if you have one of those super perfect children with tons of friends, perfect manners, and straight A's (again, if there is one out there I doubt there is a family with 2 of them). I look at the messy house, the car needing new brakes, the dwindling funds, the pile of paperwork I've been procrastinating, one kid recently diagnosed as ADD, another is dyslexic, and another doing everything in his power to not be potty trained, and I get a bit crazy. At least the baby is good. For now.
On top of that we live next door to my husband's grandparents. I love them. They are very good to me and my family, but it's getting to be more and more work to help them out so they can stay at home- not the nursing home. I don't mind, but it is just one more thing on the endless "mommy list."
I try and take a second to breathe. In... out... in... out... I close my eyes and take a moment to get a little sanity. I take the preschooler to the potty and he doesn't fight me this time. Yay! And then the baby falls asleep. SUPER YAY!!! I'm taking my victories, as little as they may seem.
Ok... things aren't too bad. I can do this. There are brief moments of peace, like yesterday when the kids and I went for a walk. I even laughed when they all tried to ride in the stroller at the same time. I need to laugh more often. Heck, just finding a reason to smile would be a good start.
I taught a lesson to my primary kids on Sunday about priorities and perspective. Time for me to listen to my own sermon! Yes, there are a lot of immediate needs to be met, but there are more important things out there. "Step away from the dishes for a minute" I tell myself. I get 5 minutes of scripture study in before the phone rings. Not too bad. I give my 3 year old a big snugly hug and kiss. I plan another walk with the big kids tonight so we can have a nice chat without the "babies." Hmmm... and I need some time with my sweetheart, too. Maybe we'll make tonight a no TV night and actually spend time together, not just in the same room. That all will help, I think.
It's my mommy way of making sure I don't sell my birthright for a bowl of soup. As moms our lives are full of "soup." Dishes, laundry, bills, diapers, mops, homework, whiny kids, grumpy husbands, dinners to be made, cupboards to fill, closets to clean out, and for a lot of us there is a job of some kind, too. We expect ourselves to be the perfect maid, nanny, nurse, therapist, best friend, teacher, financial advisor, nutritionist, ardent lover, and so many other things for our families. Oh yeah, and we feel the need to look like a super model while we do it. I think there is something wrong with us.
"Soup" is necessary... but I'm in real need of remembering the birthright part. My kids and husband need more than a glorified, maid/nanny. A mom does all that stuff, sure. But we are more, and that is the part I forget when I'm sweating all that other stuff.
So, if you are a mom- let go of some of that "soup" for a few minutes today. It's Ok. Find your birthright and work towards it! Smile with someone you love, have a relaxing or deep conversation. Laugh at something. Find the part of being a wife and mother that makes you happy, and then do it! It makes the soup taste better anyway.
Being a wife and a mom is not fun. Maybe if you have a super husband with no flaws (and I have yet to meet a woman with one of those). Maybe if you have one of those super perfect children with tons of friends, perfect manners, and straight A's (again, if there is one out there I doubt there is a family with 2 of them). I look at the messy house, the car needing new brakes, the dwindling funds, the pile of paperwork I've been procrastinating, one kid recently diagnosed as ADD, another is dyslexic, and another doing everything in his power to not be potty trained, and I get a bit crazy. At least the baby is good. For now.
On top of that we live next door to my husband's grandparents. I love them. They are very good to me and my family, but it's getting to be more and more work to help them out so they can stay at home- not the nursing home. I don't mind, but it is just one more thing on the endless "mommy list."
I try and take a second to breathe. In... out... in... out... I close my eyes and take a moment to get a little sanity. I take the preschooler to the potty and he doesn't fight me this time. Yay! And then the baby falls asleep. SUPER YAY!!! I'm taking my victories, as little as they may seem.
Ok... things aren't too bad. I can do this. There are brief moments of peace, like yesterday when the kids and I went for a walk. I even laughed when they all tried to ride in the stroller at the same time. I need to laugh more often. Heck, just finding a reason to smile would be a good start.
I taught a lesson to my primary kids on Sunday about priorities and perspective. Time for me to listen to my own sermon! Yes, there are a lot of immediate needs to be met, but there are more important things out there. "Step away from the dishes for a minute" I tell myself. I get 5 minutes of scripture study in before the phone rings. Not too bad. I give my 3 year old a big snugly hug and kiss. I plan another walk with the big kids tonight so we can have a nice chat without the "babies." Hmmm... and I need some time with my sweetheart, too. Maybe we'll make tonight a no TV night and actually spend time together, not just in the same room. That all will help, I think.
It's my mommy way of making sure I don't sell my birthright for a bowl of soup. As moms our lives are full of "soup." Dishes, laundry, bills, diapers, mops, homework, whiny kids, grumpy husbands, dinners to be made, cupboards to fill, closets to clean out, and for a lot of us there is a job of some kind, too. We expect ourselves to be the perfect maid, nanny, nurse, therapist, best friend, teacher, financial advisor, nutritionist, ardent lover, and so many other things for our families. Oh yeah, and we feel the need to look like a super model while we do it. I think there is something wrong with us.
"Soup" is necessary... but I'm in real need of remembering the birthright part. My kids and husband need more than a glorified, maid/nanny. A mom does all that stuff, sure. But we are more, and that is the part I forget when I'm sweating all that other stuff.
So, if you are a mom- let go of some of that "soup" for a few minutes today. It's Ok. Find your birthright and work towards it! Smile with someone you love, have a relaxing or deep conversation. Laugh at something. Find the part of being a wife and mother that makes you happy, and then do it! It makes the soup taste better anyway.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Not Quite a Miracle Pants
I know this seems like a silly thing to blog about, but I've been having a hard time losing the last of my "mommy tummy" so I decided that a little help would be nice. I've heard a lot about those miracle underthings that instantly make you look a size smaller, so I thought- wow, why not?!! Out I went to a local store on my quest for a tiny tummy.
First, there are about 10 to choose from and 6 of them I throw out right away because I think my husband would either laugh or run in fear from the grandma that suddenly appeared in his bed. Yes, they were that bad. Just looking at them in the store I think I aged about 20 years. They were the very worst kind of "granny panties" and no matter how hot I would look in them with my clothes on, I do have to eventually take those clothes off. No way I will ever let a living being see me in those things. Next I look at the 4 remaining choices. Of the 4 remaining, 2 are around $30, one of them is an unbelievable $45. One less than $12. I sit there and think. Is it worth it? I look in my checkbook at the dwindling funds, do a bit of quick calculating, and decide it's either the $12 ones or nothing. I throw them in the cart next to the peanut butter and diapers. I stand there for a second, then I shove them under the diapers... just in case I see someone I know.
At home I get all excited and try them on. Out of the package they look tiny. Good, maybe they'll really do the job! I put them on and I'm not impressed. First of all, they seem to fit alright, it smooths everything out, but I look in the mirror and it's all wrong. I think I actually look fatter. How is that possible?
Now that I look back I can see that there is a flaw in the whole idea. All that fat has to go SOMEWHERE. It doesn't just disappear. "Abra cadabra," *poof* and it's gone. Right, that could happen in my dreams, but in life, I think not.
My problem is that I have fat all over, but for the most part it's fat that I don't mind. It's not jiggly or flabby, it's mostly firm, evenly distributed to the right places, and looks Ok. I just have this spot around and under my belly button where things are pretty bad- Mother Nature's gift after 4 giant babies. I will not go into details, no need to give you nightmares. If you are a mom you know what I'm talking about.
So, these "magical" pants are squeezing all of my fat and it has to go somewhere. Of course it follows the path of least resistance... So all that Ok fat from my hips and sides are all being pushed around and end up in the place where there is plenty of room, thanks to those giant babies. Right smack dab in the middle of my stomach. Oh, it's not jiggly, held in by the industrial strength Lycra. It's nice and firm. And huge. I may technically be an inch smaller, but the proportions are all off. Eww. I put my clothes on over them to see if it's just my imagination. Hmmmm, I'm still not sure.
I wear them for a day and things really start to go wrong. Slippage on something so tight is not good. Now I have the dreaded "muffin top," something I didn't have before. So I adjust, again. And again. Now I feel stupid. I wash my hands in the bathroom and glance in the mirror- Ahhhhhhh! Who is that fat woman? Ok, now I'm sure. I look worse. Now for the real decision, do I spring for a $50 pair and hope that they are better? Do I buy the dreaded granny pants and never let my husband see them?
I take off the stupid things and enjoy the feel of freedom again. I start to do some serious thinking. Ok, so I have a poochy tummy, but I have beautiful kids. They are not always well behaved, but they are adorable. And my husband has never complained about how I look. In fact, if I ever say anything he's quick to say I'm being silly. I look in the mirror at my stomach, sucking it in and remembering how it looked before the kids. I'm just too vain. I loved my stomach 10 years ago. I thought it was my best feature, and now it's not. GET OVER IT!
I relax the muscles and see the transformation into reality. Hmmm... I suddenly feel the need to do about 500 sit-ups. After I get some laundry done, and the baby bathed I'll have some time. Oh yeah, today is cub scouts. I'll put it on the agenda for tomorrow... or maybe Thursday. *sigh*
First, there are about 10 to choose from and 6 of them I throw out right away because I think my husband would either laugh or run in fear from the grandma that suddenly appeared in his bed. Yes, they were that bad. Just looking at them in the store I think I aged about 20 years. They were the very worst kind of "granny panties" and no matter how hot I would look in them with my clothes on, I do have to eventually take those clothes off. No way I will ever let a living being see me in those things. Next I look at the 4 remaining choices. Of the 4 remaining, 2 are around $30, one of them is an unbelievable $45. One less than $12. I sit there and think. Is it worth it? I look in my checkbook at the dwindling funds, do a bit of quick calculating, and decide it's either the $12 ones or nothing. I throw them in the cart next to the peanut butter and diapers. I stand there for a second, then I shove them under the diapers... just in case I see someone I know.
At home I get all excited and try them on. Out of the package they look tiny. Good, maybe they'll really do the job! I put them on and I'm not impressed. First of all, they seem to fit alright, it smooths everything out, but I look in the mirror and it's all wrong. I think I actually look fatter. How is that possible?
Now that I look back I can see that there is a flaw in the whole idea. All that fat has to go SOMEWHERE. It doesn't just disappear. "Abra cadabra," *poof* and it's gone. Right, that could happen in my dreams, but in life, I think not.
My problem is that I have fat all over, but for the most part it's fat that I don't mind. It's not jiggly or flabby, it's mostly firm, evenly distributed to the right places, and looks Ok. I just have this spot around and under my belly button where things are pretty bad- Mother Nature's gift after 4 giant babies. I will not go into details, no need to give you nightmares. If you are a mom you know what I'm talking about.
So, these "magical" pants are squeezing all of my fat and it has to go somewhere. Of course it follows the path of least resistance... So all that Ok fat from my hips and sides are all being pushed around and end up in the place where there is plenty of room, thanks to those giant babies. Right smack dab in the middle of my stomach. Oh, it's not jiggly, held in by the industrial strength Lycra. It's nice and firm. And huge. I may technically be an inch smaller, but the proportions are all off. Eww. I put my clothes on over them to see if it's just my imagination. Hmmmm, I'm still not sure.
I wear them for a day and things really start to go wrong. Slippage on something so tight is not good. Now I have the dreaded "muffin top," something I didn't have before. So I adjust, again. And again. Now I feel stupid. I wash my hands in the bathroom and glance in the mirror- Ahhhhhhh! Who is that fat woman? Ok, now I'm sure. I look worse. Now for the real decision, do I spring for a $50 pair and hope that they are better? Do I buy the dreaded granny pants and never let my husband see them?
I take off the stupid things and enjoy the feel of freedom again. I start to do some serious thinking. Ok, so I have a poochy tummy, but I have beautiful kids. They are not always well behaved, but they are adorable. And my husband has never complained about how I look. In fact, if I ever say anything he's quick to say I'm being silly. I look in the mirror at my stomach, sucking it in and remembering how it looked before the kids. I'm just too vain. I loved my stomach 10 years ago. I thought it was my best feature, and now it's not. GET OVER IT!
I relax the muscles and see the transformation into reality. Hmmm... I suddenly feel the need to do about 500 sit-ups. After I get some laundry done, and the baby bathed I'll have some time. Oh yeah, today is cub scouts. I'll put it on the agenda for tomorrow... or maybe Thursday. *sigh*
Monday, January 25, 2010
Back to College!
So- I've been thinking for a while about getting a job. The thing is- I don't really want my kids to stay with a babysitter. The two oldest spend a good part of the day at school, but I still have a 3 year old and an 8 month old. I really feel like I need to be the one to take care of them! This may sound like a moot point in this day and age, but that's my #1 job, to take care of my kids. So I flip-flop over the issue. Some days I feel like I'd do just about anything to make a few extra bucks, and another I feel like there is no way that I can leave someone else to raise my beautiful babies!
What to do, what to do?! A few nights I tossed and turned worrying about how was the best way to take care of my family. Of course, then I was a tired mommy- and we all know a tired mommy is a grouchy mommy- and a grouchy mommy equals a grouchy family! So, after a few days of overall unhappiness throughout the family, I decided I had to do something. Anything. I had to make a real decision and then live with it.
So I applied for a few night jobs in our small town... and... nothing. Not a call back. Not a thank you for applying but no thanks... nothing.
GREAT- NOW WHAT!!
The stress and frustration was overwhelming. What kind of a person can't get a job working night shifts and weekends at Walmart during the holiday season? Waiting tables at Denny's? I'll tell you what kind- a loser like ME! Or, so I thought. Again, some sleepless nights... again some nasty days with a grouchy family... I felt like I was at a breaking point.
Looking back, I think it was a blessing that I didn't get the jobs. If I had got one of those jobs I might have stopped looking for other options, and other options were what my family really needed.
My father-in-law teaches a few classes at the local community college and one day I thought maybe I'd take one. But then I'd have to come up with a few hundred bucks for tuition and books... and gas to drive the 40+ miles into town and to the campus. Crap. I don't have any money. No way I can afford even one class right now. But then this light came on in my head... I may not be a poor starving college student anymore, but back in the day I remember filling out some paperwork to see if someone else would pay for my college. I can do that again, right?
So I googled "college grants" and found a government website where you can fill out applications for student aid. Hmm... I'll go to the community college... um... half-time, that's 6 credits, right? 2 classes... I can do that... working towards my Associates... majoring in what... well, when I was 19 I majored in fine arts and goofing around, that won't get me any jobs... Josiah's dad teaches electrician courses, so if I want to take them maybe I'll major in Construction Science... And so my train of thought went as I filled out paperwork and applications.
By the time the applications were submitted I had a plan. 2 classes a semester- one night class and one online class. I would major in construction science with a minor in small business management, classes that would make me a true partner in Josiah's remodeling business. By the time I get my degree I'll have all the kids in school and be able to go to work with Josiah and actually do more than sweep floors and hand him tools!
At the end of the application they gave me an estimate of the funds I would be approved for. I couldn't believe my eyes... It would be a huge help for our family's finances for me to go to just 6 credits a semester. No need to find a job- just one night a week at the college would take care of most of my family's basic living expenses. Woo Hoo!! What a blessing!
So, I'm back to school and ready for an adventure. Maybe I'll have my degree by the time I'm 40.
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